How Human Connection & Compassion Helps Us Thrive

CLICK PICTURE TO WATCH VIDEO

Mind, Sense, Soul: Connection

I learned something this week that blew my mind: Human connection and compassion are more important for curing illnesses and helping us live longer than any health intervention we could stage, like giving up smoking, drinking and improving diet and exercise. Yes, even for the big diseases. Here are some things I learned about how our communities and our connections will save us all.

Connection

When we connect with others, our heart rate slows down, we secrete the bonding hormone oxytocin and regions of the brain linked to empathy and pleasure light up. The very fact that our bodies still do this since we evolved from early man tells us that this is still a vitally important part of what makes us human. This is especially true if we detect another’s need for assistance, we feel compassion; we are usually drawn to want to help. 

We have survived as a species thanks to the importance of personal connections, community and compassion for others.  We are stronger together than when we are on our own so it’s not really just survival of the fittest; It’s survival of the most connected and compassionate.

Small Connections, Big Effect

Amidst a frightening and uncertain future thanks to Covid and general world politics, we are seeing people rallying together. On a smaller scale though too, I’ve noticed how the simple connections in life can have an impact. Lockdown has shone a light on this in a big way.

With us being tucked away at home for 99% of the day, just walking down the street and having a short conversation with the owner of my local coffee shop or a few words with the person on the supermarket checkout, a wave at a friendly neighbour... has a significant effect on my happiness levels for a long time afterwards. These small interactions at a distance with people in my community definitely lift my spirits at the moment.  I feel instantly lifted. I now make a point of noticing these whenever I can, making sure I get eye contact with anyone who passes me too and offering a smile or a hello. It’s infectious - in a good way, given it’s a pandemic.

I’m also feeling huge gratitude for radio at the moment. Feeling connected to the outside world and hearing from humans on a similar journey truly helps keep me going. Chris Evans breakfast show on Virgin Radio has been a lifesaver over the past 12 months.

Another thing I’m doing regularly now is checking in with friends all around the globe. I never used to be very good at reaching out but when I do, it’s reciprocated and I get a little warm glow.

Compassion is the key to happiness

As well as compassion, humans also, sadly, have a natural capacity for aggression and an instinct to protect our own territory and resources. We’ve all seen this during the pandemic with people hoarding loo roll and bread flour.  In the past, this has made me really angry as I’m sure it has you, but it is with these types of difficult situations where we need compassion the most.

If we can reframe this sort of thing, we’re going to be a hell of a lot happier and less angry with the world. So try it; when people act like this, can we ask ourselves ‘Given everything that’s going on, doesn't it make sense that they act like this?’ Feel compassion instead of anger. 

This has made me think recently of a nasty old neighbour we have. A really unpleasant man. However, when I thought about what I knew of him, I realised he must have experienced a lot of loss and unhappiness. There will have been countless other reasons I know nothing about which make him the way he is. Instead of cowering, running away and feeling a bit cross about it, I tried to feel compassion and started to say hello and smile instead. I dropped him a Christmas card and a bottle of wine in December too. No idea whether that meant anything to him or not but it made me feel a lot better and I can’t believe it wouldn’t have had an effect on him. What I noticed though was that my cortisol levels used to rise just seeing him in the street. Now, quite simply, they don’t. 

Be compassionate to yourself

Feeling compassionate is not just about others; we need compassion for ourselves. We are all under pressure right now, some more so than others. Parents balancing work, schooling and parenting, Carers trying to keep the vulnerable safe, business owners fearing for their livelihoods and all of us uneasy about a new uncertain future. 

The last thing we need is more pressure. Now is not the time for perfect. It’s the time for survival. Aim for good enough or madness lies ahead, whether this is work load or how much your child gets done at school, whatever. The dishes and the washing can wait. Your sanity ,your down time and your family are more important. I am trying to absorb this message myself. But it’s hard, isn't it? 

A Social Experiment

I just wanted to leave you with news of a social experiment. I was listening to a chat between two doctors with 60 years of medical experience between them discussing all of this and agreeing with each other that drugs are often far too quickly given. They also said that loneliness increased our risk of dying early by 30%. 

One thing that struck me particularly was something one of them said about blood pressure: “The impact of treating high blood pressure on your risk of dying prematurely is dwarfed by the impact of social relationships. With social relationships, oxytocin is pumping around your body and your blood pressure drops, for example. Maybe you don’t even need the drugs. With this in mind, it makes you think why don’t doctors not take social relationships into their routine clinical practice?”

Dr Julian Abel and a team actually did this recently and trailed an experiment in the Somerset town of Frume recently. Doctor surgeries got together to provide compassionate alternatives to medical intervention. ‘Health connectors’ were employed within the medical centre to make use of the incredible wealth of resources within the community. 

Loneliness and isolation is made worse by sickness, so they connected these people to groups and individuals going through similar things. Frume took many metrics along the way but the upshot was, they saw hospital admissions drop by 30% greatly improved quality of life scores, general positive health outcomes and lower costs. 

You can hear all about that in one of the podcast links along with other conversations articles and book suggestions on the subject of connection and compassion as usual below.

Books

The Compassion Project  - Dr Julian Abel (The Frume story amongst other things) (On Audible)

Together: Loneliness, Health and What Happens When We Find Connection - Vivek Murthy

Radical Compassion - Tara Brach (On Audible)

Podcasts

The healing power of compassion with Dr Julian Abel

Bitesize podcast: Why kindness is contagious

Articles

Connection & Compassion during Corona

How to be more resilient

Everyday actions for thriving in Lockdown

YouTube

Holocaust Survivor Dr. Edith Eger on Choosing Hope, Love & Compassion Over Suffering

Being a survivor not a victim

See more of our videos and articles here.

How to motivate yourself to move more!

Mind, Sense & Soul: Move

Here’s something that might make you feel better: for millions of years, our ancestors had to work really hard to get enough food to have energy. It is therefore a normal instinct, hard-wired into us to avoid unnecessary exertion and exercise, so don’t ever feel bad about lacking motivation. It’s completely natural. Having said that, our ancestors got in plenty of natural exercise hunting and gathering, but the major difference was that it was a natural part of the everyday, not something they dedicated extra time to. So there’s the rub; we do need to move every day, but it would be much easier if it were a natural part of our life.

I should say at this point this is clearly not a video for those incredibly motivated people who already crave a daily run or enjoy triathlons in their spare time. It’s for those of you like me who feel they don’t have enough hours in the day and genuinely find it hard to be motivated to move, especially now there’s nowhere to go in lockdown and it’s bloody freezing and dark in the mornings.

Why move?

We all know that we need to move our bodies every day, but let’s just have a quick reminder about why:

• Exercise reduces the level of stress hormones in your body like cortisol and adrenaline. In short, it’s an anxiety buster. It has also been shown to be an effective treatment for depression.

• Studies have shown that those who exercise regularly are at a significantly reduced risk of developing dementia. As over time it keeps your brain growing rather than shrinking with age.

• Incidentally exercising your brain helps it grow new neurons too. Daily meditation does this.

• Exercise is one of the best things we can do for our hearts, which includes benefits for blood pressure and cholesterol levels. 

• Exercise of course helps moderate weight of course, which has infinite advantages including preventing type 2 diabetes and in short

• It generally helps you age better. 

How much exercise do we need?

Advice for how much we need changes over time, but if you’re looking to start from scratch, received wisdom seems to be that 150 mins a week, which is just over 20 mins a day, is decent going. In fact solid scientific studies have shown that getting that 20 mins a day can lower your risk of dying by a certain age by 50%, so that’s jolly. It really does have to be regular rather than once in a blue moon though, apparently. But if the thought of getting up and at it is still unappealing, here are a few ways to boost motivation to do it. I’m telling you this because I need to keep telling it to myself. When I get up it’s cold, it’s dark,  We’re locked down. There’s nowhere to go so all these things help me.

How to boost motivation

Low, smashable targets 

Give yourself a super low target because when you smash that, you’ll get a dopamine hit, feel better about yourself and you’re more likely to naturally do more. Make it easy. We’re talking 2 or 5 minutes at a time at first, maybe just three times a week if needs be and you can gradually increase that. Success breeds motivation, so set yourself up to smash those small targets. 

Show up

The important thing is that we all learn to show up, because just getting to the place to start something is often the hardest part. Make it easy for yourself to show up by making sure the yoga mat is out and your clothes are there, or your shoes are by the door and the dog hasn’t stolen one of them. I think it was Woody Allen that said “80 percent of success is showing up”. This is probably true. “You make progress in inches, not yards”.

Break it up

Break your movement time up into  three, four or five minute little chunks. These will add up during the day and quickly have positive, knock on effects. Dr Rangan Chatterjee calls these ‘health snacks’, which I love. With five minutes too, you don’t even have to get changed, which is also a bonus. He also suggests checking your health snacks off somewhere as soon as you’ve done your five minutes or even keeping a jar and putting a small token into it every time you do it. Maybe it’s 20p or 50p a go and your reward is to spend all the money in the jar when it's full, or maybe it’s milk bottle tops. Whatever it is, seeing a full jar at the end of the week feels like success and success is the greatest motivator. 

Attach it to something else you’re already doing 

One thing I’ve found helpful is attaching these five minute chunks onto something I’m already doing, like squats waiting for the kettle or rounds of star jumps after you go to the loo. When it comes to my girls who are seven and nine, they will not do PE indoors, so I’m starting to introduce a ten minute kitchen rock out disco as I’m preparing dinner, where we put on some Metallica (their choice believe it or not) and we all jump around the kitchen. It’s good on so many levels and we’re all out of breath and sweaty by the end of it. Job done. 

Here are few interesting things to read and listen to on the subject of movement.

Articles

The surprising truth about exercise - Daniel Lieberman with Dr. Rangan Chatterjee

Videos

The 5 minute kitchen workout - Dr Rangan Chatterjee

Books

Exercised: The Science of Physical Activity, Rest and Health  - Daniel Lieberman

Review of this book by The Guardian - Exercise myths exploded.

Feel Better in 5 - Dr Rangan Chatterjee

Articles

7 Ways to master the art of showing up - Saeed Mirfattah

6 Ways the body benefits from exercise - Forbes.

A short history of wellbeing through exercise - Wellcome Trust

Check out the other videos and articles in our Mind, Sense & Soul series here!

How to Make Yourself Happy!

HAPPINESS…. A term that may seem cliché, but ultimately results in us leading a more fulfilled and positive life, surrounded by wonder, comfort and love. There’s no magic formula that you can inject into yourself on a permanent basis, but there are several life steps you can follow and that’s exactly what we’re going to delve into today. 

Happiness is the result of a variety of hormones and affects us in different ways. We have dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and endorphins to thank for those gleaming cheeks we get and warming feeling within that we get, but they have to be activated to work. 

Throughout today’s article and video you’ll notice a couple of recurring themes – surround yourself with positive, put your mindset in a positive place and focus on the light, not the darkness. 

Positive Thinking

It’s completely understandable if you’re feeling quite shitty right now. Allow yourself some time to come to terms with your feelings so you’ve let them out, maybe even talk to someone about them as an outlet, but do remember, and this is important, that every time you showcase negativity or are moping around – you’re not just affecting yourself but those around you too. 

Countless studies have shown how people with a negative mindset can be contagious in bringing other people down too – exactly the same (but the opposite) but those who showcase positivity – it is completely infectious and spreads the light making others gleam with joy. 

So, positive thinking, what’s the trick? Well, this ones quite simple. Just think about a really happy memory you have. Maybe it’s with a loved one, maybe it’s that stupid thing your friend did, maybe it’s a time you felt harmonious joy or pride, maybe it’s a time you did something for someone else which filled you with hope. You may be thinking ‘what’s the point?’ – but take my word for it – do it. Once those hormones start rushing through your body the darkness will turn into light and you are once again, back in control. 

YOU control YOU

Remember, the only person who controls how you feel is YOU – don’t ever let someone else bring you down – they don’t have the power to do that. The sooner we realise that WE ARE IN CONTROL OF HOW WE FEEL, the sooner we can combat and push away the negativity of others. It’s boils down to that simple notion of knowing that you are in the driver’s seat of your life. It sounds incredibly simple and it is. You are strong. Remember that. Once your head is back in that driver’s seat, smile away. 

The Cold Water Trick

Do you ever feel terrible in the morning? Super sleepy? Well, there’s a little trick that can combat that and it sounds AWFUL but it really does work. If you’re anything like me you keep extending the amount of time you’re in the shower in the morning, making the water hotter and hotter as if it’s an embracing hug. The notion of stepping out is not good. Here’s the trick. Just before you get out – turn the water to freezing cold for a split second and let that be the last thing you feel. Not too long, I’m talking about literally a nanosecond. Once you do this a surge of energy bounces through your body, making you incrediblt alert, focused and ready to conquer the day. You might dread feeling really cold and sad, but actually, the opposite happens. 

Find Something to Look Forward to!

There’s nothing worse than doom and gloom and knowing nothing on the horizon seems fun. Change that. Book something or arrange something that you’re going to look forward to. If you’re in a position to plan a holiday far out enough that it (hopefully) won’t be affected by COVID, do it. Not everything has to be money related either. Even organising a group of friends on a joint video call is something that well send surges of positivity thourgh you. 

Partake in Conscious Acts of Kindness

This could very well be one of the most important. We spend so much time thinking about OURSELVES, but what about others? It is human nature that if we do good, we feel good. So the next time you see someone suffering, go out of your way to help then. Whether it be a homeless person in need of food or drink, someone in need of mentorship or just someone on LinkedIn asking a genuine question to help guide them in a better direction with their career. There are countless ways you can help – you just need to be observant and use your emotional intelligence to identify them. The best thing you can do as a human is make someone else smile. It’s contagious – it will soon come right back around. 

Exercise

It sounds pretty simple and it is. Get yourself outside once a day for a walk or even a 5-minute workout from home. You don’t need to be a body builder; you just need to give your body some time to reflect on itself. Any form of exercise creates a surge of hormones allowing you to feel more positive about yourself. 

Meditation

There are countless forms of meditation – do a little research to see what works for you. You can also check out our tips on how ‘Sound’ can impact your health and wellness by clicking here and discover multiple other ways to instil happiness within your life. 

Make your environment a happier place

We’ve given you lots of tips over this series to make positive change to your life in order to reduce anxiety and become calmer in 2021. You can take many of these learnings and adapt them to your routine to become a happier person. SAD lights, different scents, going for walks, socialising more, thinking positively – these are just a few. Delve into all of our video series by clicking here. 

Happiness in Social Circles

This doesn’t mean you have to be an extrovert – it just means don’t isolate yourself away. Right now, this couldn’t be more important. We can’t leave our homes and head down to the bar to have a good old’ natter with your best mates – but we can do that over our computers, our phones, whatever it might be. Don’t hide in the darkness and feel like you are alone – make the effort to set up a call and then see just how much fulfilment it brings to your life. Human beings are not meant to be isolated, we find nourishment in conversation and belonging. So if you’ve not spoken with a friend for a couple of days – now is the time to rectify that – and I don’t mean a text message – I mean voice of video. There’s a MASSIVE difference between the two when it comes to seeing and feeling real emotion. 

Laugh More!

It’s pretty simple – laughter is the best form of medicine didn’t come from nowhere – it’s a known fact that those who laugh more are happier. So find that favourite TV Series, watch those memes and GIF’s and make sure you keep in contact with those who make you feel like sunshine – because it has such a profoundly positive impact on our lives. 

How scent can transform your wellbeing

Mind Sense & Soul: Scent

Our sense of smell used to play a vital part in our evolution and survival, but although we rely less now on it now for that than our eyes and ears, we often take its importance for granted. 

As well as being responsible for 80% of what we perceive as flavour, smell still helps us sense danger from things like gas leaks, smoke and rotten food. It is also however, the only sense that affects the parts of our brain linked to memory and emotion, which is why aroma can be a fantastic, natural tool for improving our psychological well-being. It can be as simple as the waft of a good scented candle or diffuser when you walk into a room. 

Aromas can be used to calm, enliven the spirit, subconsciously unleash desires and help us to feel safe. Inhaling them in the form of essential oils or just stronger scents too can help to produce serotonin and dopamine, which in turn helps to regulate mood.

Smell training

Have you heard of Proust and his madeleine cakes? The power of aroma to unlock memories and feelings is immense, so why not use that super power to your advantage and teach yourself to be calm or positive with practice? Pick a specific scent to inhale when you’re feeling a certain way, do that a few times and soon, you’ll find that you get that feeling back more easily every time you smell that aroma again. 

Smelling practice has now also been proved to stave off dementia (read more on that below). A study was also done with sommeliers, which showed that the parts of their brains associated with smell and memory were thicker than non-somms thanks to their years of practice smelling wine and considering the complex aromas. Finally, some good news about what I do for a living!

Which aromas for what? 

Certain herbs and flowers have been proven to have positive benefits, so it’s not just a case of spritzing yourself with Chanel. 

For reduced stress, anxiety and depression, try bergamot, lemon balm, rose and sweet orange.

For sleep, try lavender.

For positivity, try cedarwood and sage.

For focus and calm, try sandalwood.

For mental stimulation and an energy boost, try peppermint.

For sexy time, try cinnamon and jasmine.

For headaches and nausea, try ylang ylang and ginger.

There are links to full lists at the end of this article.

Scenting your home or even just a room or two could do wonders for your sense of wellbeing in a quick and inexpensive way and right now, as many of us are locked down, we could all do with a treat. So, go and find those candles, dim the lights and breaaaaathe!

Are you worried about losing your sense of smell? Anosmia has a perhaps surprisingly big effect on your mental health. Get help and support at www.fifthsense.org.uk

Park Candles

We’re huge fans of Park Candles as they look and smell so divine. Here’s a code you can use to get 40% off! Note this is not an affiliate link - just sharing the love. Code: Enter AIDY40 at parkscandles.com

Articles

Why smell is important

Fifth Sense: The psychology of smell

Losing the sense of smell could be the sign of larger health issues. Here.

The benefits of specific aromas. Here and here

How tasting wine can help stave off dementia. Here.

Books

Aroma: The Cultural History of Smell by Constance Classen

Essential Oils Reference by Dr Raskin

Podcasts

Behind the aroma

The Lab Aroma Podcast

Aromatic wisdom: the voice of aromatherapy

Watch our other MInd, Sense & Soul videos at thethreedrinkers.com/balance

How writing a daily journal helps mental, emotional & physical health

Click the picture to watch the video.

Mind, Sense & Soul: WRITE

We should not underestimate the powers of creative writing and journalling to heal mental, emotional and even physical wounds. Daily journaling with real paper and pen has been talked about a lot recently as studies have shown the incredibly positive impact it can have on our health. Why?

• Writing honestly from the heart about your feelings regularly, especially stressful events - literally helps get things out of your system, helps you come to terms with things and is instantly calming, dropping cortisol levels.

• Journalling lowers cortisol levels, allowing you to heal quicker if you are hurt or sick, studies say, by more than 4 times faster than usual. 

• Writing about your day helps organise your thoughts so it's easier to find solutions where needed.

• If you have a tendency to feel overwhelmed, journalling helps you feel you have more control over your life. 

• If you reflect on your day, you’re also more likely to see patterns and learn lessons about what works for you and what doesn’t, so you can stop making the same mistakes.

• Writing every day helps with clearer thinking and learning how to better express yourself, which will soon start improving your communication with others. 

What to journal

It’s normal to have no idea where to start with the blank page at first, so here are some suggestions:

• What happened today that was stressful? Write as if no one is going to read it. Swear! Do the lot. Get it out. Add your single next step towards dealing with the issue if it helps. 

• List 3 good things that happened today. Which small or big things were you grateful for? You’ll very soon start noticing more little happy things in the day, which in turn will help you feel more content.

• Include your to-do list and list of open loops to tackle the next day. This stops them going round in your head and will help you fall asleep faster and stay asleep longer. 

Convinced? Go and find yourself a lovely notebook and a posh pen. Make it sacred. Do it every day and let us know what you think.

There’s so much more to read around this subject. Check out some of these great teachers: 

Article

83 Benefits of journaling for depression, anxiety & stress - by Courtney E. Ackerman

18 Amazing benefits of journaling - by Dee at Vanilla Papers

Podcasts

Get started with journalling - The Pat Divilly podcast.

Open your mind and change your life with Dr Tara Stuart and Dr Rangan Chatterjee

How to be more you with Dr Rangan Chatterjee and Matthew McConaughey

Some lovely personalised notebooks (#NotAnAd)

www.papier.com

This video series was made in partnership with Mcguigan ZERO, the premium, alcohol-free,

Australian wine range.

How Important is Light in our Everyday Life?

Click the image below to begin watching the video

Click the image above to begin watching the video

Mind, Sense & Soul: Light

Bright, natural light, especially in the morning, boosts alertness, improves mood, reaction speed, gut health and helps you fall asleep faster at night. Without enough of it, we are all grumpier, slower and fatter!

Light is measured in ‘lux’ and even on a gloomy day, heading outside will give you 5000+ lux when compared to just 2-300 lux in a regular home or office. The upshot? Get outside, every day, in the light, especially between 8 and midday. It will make a huge difference to your mental health. 

S.A.D

Do you suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder)? Whether you think you do or whether you just need more light, it might be worth investing in a SAD light, to boost your daily lux intake. Find one we’ve tried and tested here (UK) and here (US).

Take Vitamin D!

Take Vitamin D, especially if you are in the UK right now. We need Vitamin D to regulate the amount of calcium and phosphate in our bodies and keep our bones, teeth and muscles working. Not having enough can lead to deformities and tooth problems, especially with children. The NHS says we need to take 10 micrograms (400 IU) of vitamin D a day between October and early March and now is particularly important as we have not been outside as much due to the pandemic.

Our bodies create vitamin D from direct sunlight on the skin when outdoors. You can also boost your intake from oily fish (such as salmon, sardines, herring and mackerel), red meat, liver, egg yolks, fortified foods (such as some fat spreads and breakfast cereals) and of course, supplements. Try this minty tasting daily spray. Kids love it too ( I can confirm!)

There’s so much to learn about how getting enough sunlight benefits our physical and mental health. Here are some fascinating things to read and listen to by the experts:

Podcast

The Power of Light to Transform your Health. Linda Geddes talks to Dr Rangan Chattergee on the Feel Better, Live More podcast. 

Bitesize podcast (8 mins)

Full Podcast (1 hr 45)

Book

Chasing the Sun, by Linda Geddes. Buy it here.

Articles

What is SAD and do I have it? Read here.

The hidden power of light - Ingrid Fettell Lee. Read here.

The psychological impact of light and color. Read here.

To see our other Mind Sense & Soul videos, links and articles, click here.

This video series was made in partnership with Mcguigan ZERO,

the premium, alcohol-free, Australian wine range.

McGuigan Zero is alcohol-free wine created using state-of-the-art spinning cone technology. By drawing the wine into super fine layers for efficient vaporisation, alcohol may be removed at lower temperatures than ever before, thus resulting in a wine that retains its taste.