Words by Colin Hampden-White

Not too long ago I read a book both fascinating and educating, but also fun. It was by my friend and fellow drinker Helena. Her book Vinalogies described wine varieties as certain well known figures, and that got me thinking. If I reversed the idea, how in drink terms would I describe some of our well-known figures of today. I am starting with our leaders. From a completely unscientific and ill-educated stand point (which should suit Mr Trump), I give you my thoughts on what drinks our world leaders might be.

vladimir Putin

I wonder what drink comes out of Russia which has very little finesse? Certainly not Russian sparkling which can be very good, or Russian vodka which as we know is some of the best in the world. In fact, I’ll re-think that last idea. Russia does make some of the worst, most dangerous vodka in the world, and it usually illegal and more commonly known as Meths, now that does sound like Putin?

Vladimir Putin: Meths

Angela Merkel

Germany as a nation is known for its ability to be precise, and their leader Angela Merkle is no exception. She has brought her country through a migrant crisis, a global economic crisis and Germany is at the moment the most well organised in Europe at handling Covid-19. If I think about a wine which has precision, it would have to be Riesling. With high acidity, it is incredibly precise, but with age it can mellow and gains a great deal of complexity. Now I think that sounds familiar.

Angela Merkel: Riesling

Boris Johnson

Boris is a bit of a dichotomy, some would say that under all that bluster and opposing sweetness, there is a hugely intelligent man with lots of depth and strategy, however others would say there is the sweetness and bluster, but no depth or strategy, so is he a sophisticated English Blanc de Noir, or a simple mead? For me he’s a bit of both, so a cocktail perhaps.

Boris Johnston: Mead-Mosa

Xi Jinping

China is a huge country with so many different people, cultures, landscape, food and drink, and their leader has been able to keep all these things in mind whilst rising to become their autocratic leader. China once changed their leader every so many years, but Xi Jinping has managed to have the law re-written to rule forever! This takes cunning, strength, depth, political and social sophistication and having an eye on the long term. I think the best of Chinese Cabernet Sauvignon is certainly like that, and it won’t be too long before Bordeaux, and California are looking east.

Xi Jinping: Chinese Cabernet Sauvignon

Emmanuel Macron

From a British point of view the French are our favourite neighbours and our most annoying partners, they strike when we want to go on holiday, yet create marvellous cheese and wine when we get there. As a nation they display ancient culture and modernity at the same time, with much in common with the UK. Their leader however seems to be on the young side. Trying to push forward new ideas with a fresh face and really doesn’t seem to be concentrating on the long-term at all. A little like a Beaujolais perhaps? He certainly has character but seems a little youthful.

Emmanuel Macron: Beaujolais

Donald Trump

I’m not even going to try and sum up what anyone thinks of the USA, it is a complex and multicultural nation with citizens from every background in the world. It’s a shame their leader doesn’t reflect the nation as a whole. Now I first of all thought he would be the Two Buck Chuck of world leaders, but at least there is an honesty about Two Buck Chuck. You get what you pay, for, in fact most people would say you might get rather more. With Trump on the other had you’d be asking for a refund. Now I have to point out you should NEVER drink disinfectant, but this is what perhaps Donald Trump should be and clean up his act.

Donald Trump: Disinfectant

Kim jong-un

We know very little about what happens in North Korea, we know very little about their food, culture and even drinks. However, we do know that their leader Kim Jong-un is an evil b****rd and keeps his citizens from the truth in the world, and, for the most part in poverty. Like one of the drinks we do know about, which pretends to do good, but really it can’t, but is able to be made by poor families. To a western palate I’m sure it would be abhorrent, and Baby Mice Wine is something I have written about in a little more depth in these pages, and I definitely think sums up the horror that is Kim Jong-un.

Kim Jong-un: Baby Mice Wine.

I am sure there are more comparisons to be had, and I hope to make some more soon, but I hope you liked my light hearted look at our leaders and how world drinks might suit them.